Defeat is Temporary Glory is Forever Pt 2

I can't believe its been so long since the last post and  now I've only got one days access to a computer before i go to Christchurch, to visit my sister and family. So I stress that this an impromptu post, and not sure if this will turn into a train wreck.The story about losing access to my computer is a whole other post. Seriously, if I hadn't been in the midst of a cancer battle, I wouldn't believe that you could even write this scenario.
Anyway, I had a framework in mind for how this post was to be written, as is with everything i write, I write a draft in my head and edit and re-edit until I am somewhat satisfied, then change it all as I type it. The main reason for this is typing with one finger(my ring finger if it was on my right hand) is cumbersome and time consuming, which leaves many opportunities to be led astray on tangents of ill disciplined whimsy, leaving my mind and loyal trigger finger to try and reign all this in, and rearrange these bewildered rantings into a semi-coherent pattern of words. I swear it is truly  like trying to learn a song, you've heard a few times but can't really remember the melody, you are able to string a few phrases together but get the sense they arent really right and the context you are putting them has turned this innocent vibrant young woman of a song. into a hairy, heavy set pre-op trans gender person, with quite a distinct odour, type of song. Now both songs are valid and beautiful to me but for reasons that very different.
 Like earlier stated I start my process,with  a theme or event thats been stumbled upon, such as my cancer, (which I get final results of my remmission tomorrow), and lives with me for a stretch of time, marinating or mutating until motive and opportunity align, this where I am ready to write and their is a computer to write it all on. However and whatever transpires from all this, from that first thought, through its evolution and then into its final incarnation, there will have been many minor defeats, reevaluations and struggles of concious over my audacity to speak on certain things, but my same pillars of reason still stand, just write, guided by what I feel I need to say, You find you keeping writing about the same themes, just make your stories better, the ensuing glory may or may not come in two ways, tangibly, your skills improve in articulating your words into a very arty, entertaining and  with powerful influence, for all those read your work, where glory manifests itself in popularity or money,etc. Secondly, intangibly. where the message is the star and glory manifests itself in accomplishment of dexterity, and further pursuit of skill not for money but in happiness of doing the work, being a craftsperson in your chosen discipline, then possibly giving it up if you need to and begininng all over again.This creates an environment of glory and freedom.
 See, Life does not always offer you the opportunity to fight for your life. Most acknowledge that there will be an eventual end but not they may not have a say in their ability to stay. The majority of people find death as the first symptom for them, and others are warned constantly but refuse to change and lastly there are those who fight to earn the right to stay. You dont have to be old to realise life is finite, tragedy lets us know regularly but true understanding of our mortality, can free us from self-imposed exile that happiness is  something to attain in the future, but it truly is the ability to find happiness in your moments, which stems from setting your life up to be prepared for opportunities for glory. Writing is my example but personally i dont know why so many people dont like the question of happiness, because I just want to live a glorious life built on my intentions in combination with physical and mental action and determination to realise it.

Defeat is Temporary, Glory is Forever Pt 1

Looking at the title, it may seem a little bombastic, or it may be just what it looks another nauseating self indulgent quotation springing forth from the font of  positivity  but considering its been a year since the last post, an explanation is the least i can offer for such a lapse in contact.
Now as a family we acknowledge this period of the year as mid year or the beginning of the 3rd Quarter, and celebrate our new year alongside Matariki (Maori New Year-June), which is a month long celebration. This is a period of time that seems more natural to harvest in the 4th Quarter so tie up loose ends, enjoy accomplishments for the year but most importantly to gather, share the bountiful harvest, of community, old stories, old ways, to be immortalized for the year. 
So as you can see, this isnt a new years resurgence of energy, a glimpse of enlightenment, or mid life catharsis,  catapulting my aspirations of authorship back to the forefront of my mind, maybe it is in some way to compensate for my prolonged absence. Let me think a second, na Far from it, I am sick guy, an ordinary guy who like many people around the world,who  live a slow and somewhat isolated and at times a very awkward existence, but under that simple public phasad, resides a family who i can honestly attest to has experienced the best year on record but personally, I would endure physical deterioration, separation from my family for supervised home care, as i was deemed incapable to care for myself , diagnosed with Leukemia (blood cancer) and with wonderful turn in events neurologists discovered a cyst running the entire length of spinal cord jammed in there together, while the Hematologists had me on a MRI to see if the cancer had spread to the brain. Luckily for me it didn't spread but a lesion on my liver was discovered to make sure i wasn't feeling left out. So this became the game plan, cure cancer then cure MND. No Problem, It just took away my access to the internet and ability to concoct my self indulgent views, and to be honest it was too sensitive to share, until now.
But at this particular juncture for me it has been a time of quiet reflection and of sincere gratitude for the gift of living afforded me, which in my eyes is very different to the gift of life which offers all realms of possibility but my gift is to continue my life.  I am living my life simply but fully, laughing, creating, loving til it seems my heart will burst, and crying too, tears of humility and empathy for my fellow souls in turmoil because I know that feeling all too well. I am living a life blessed .