Sorry for my absence but wonderful things have happened

Like the title suggests, my sincere apologies for my absence but in the time I have been away, much has changed, actually, that doesn't even come close to describing, what has been for my relationship with my beloved wife and children, a quantum leap.
Much time and effort has been dedicated to focusing our energy into manifesting our dreams, and slowly but surely, exciting progress has been made, but more profoundly, a synergy has occurred, that is propelling us rapidly towards our destiny.
At times it seems all a bit too much to take in, and the enormity of it all sometimes blurs our vision and momentarily distracts us from enjoying and celebrating the journey. However, Zacha and I, are performing on a level, we have never experienced before and the direct benefits from this, has seen an evolution not only in our marriage but on an individual level that is opening up new frontiers in our existence, giving us access to perspectives and wisdom, previously untapped. This in turn, has rejuvenated our view on eachother, proving even after all this time, I never tire of learning more about her.

Laz 

Poetry, B.A.D, Comedy, My G'tar, Migraines, A Maori Girl and Me.

I'm a fervent believer in adversity being the sculptor of character and to that end, feel to the soul of me, that my current incarnation is due to the challenges, blessed upon me. I was 19, when my life took a tangent, that was not only unexpected but in the coming years defined, not only my outlook on life but the way I would live it.
At 19, I was enjoying the usual excesses, drinking, partying, and all the other deviant vices, that come with the testosterone fueled desires of a manchild, with newly found freedoms. Even though I'd been  living away from home for a couple of years,  the facade of independence and self reliance always sat in a fragile balance, and I was frequently reminded that, I was not the playboy bachelor, I perceived myself to be, when showing up on my parents doorstep, hands out, a defeated prodigal son.
This is the exact situation, I found myself in, when, this "Man", needed his Mum. I had been suffering from a migraine, that, just wouldn't subside, so, after 2 days, I got one of my flatmates, to call "My Mum".  What happened next was a blur, suddenly, I was in an operating theatre and then for the next 9 months, I was recovering from this procedure, which I had barely survived and had left my body, literally smashed and depleted.
You'd think, that this would be enough of a sign, to examine my life and do what I could to rebuild it. That's what someone, who respects life and those around them, who has had to witness, this descent. I, on the other hand, was belligerent, selfish and most horrifying, indifferent.  The sum of my 20's, was dedicated to fulfilling my self-proclaimed prophecy,  of not reaching 30. I struggled with, a body and mind, riddled with decay, fear and loathing, numbing my existence, with prescription and recreational drugs, washed down with  liquor and defiance. I was searching for meaning and some peace but I  slowly spiraled  into self-imposed exile.
Now, I don't want to paint a picture, solely,  smeared with desolation, self-loathing and loneliness, 
because that's not the case, it's just that any glimmer of happiness, enjoyment or improvement was punctuated by Migraine. It just seemed inescapable, my days were lived out under this ruthless dictatorship, that had every detail of my life under scrutiny, such as, my 4 hour rule(or the 4th Parallel), which through trial and error, I discovered was my most vulnerable period of the day. After waking up, these 4 hours determined, the rest of my day, as any number of things could trigger a migraine, from reading, too much physical activity, eating the wrong food or drink, it started to really contort my perceptions and was creating an O.C.D style hypochondriac.
After too long, I finally realised I couldn't stand that existence, any longer, I  decided to will myself better, and went cold turkey and began to purge my mind and body of  the years of desecration.  My first aid kit, comprised of a pad and pen, my g'tar, stand-up comedy videos and my secret elixir, a beautiful Maori girl, who in later years, became my wife.
So, this became my regime, as the 4hr rule still applied, I didn't eat, I just drank water and watched anything funny, particularly, stand-up. The idea was to bombard my system with comedy. Basically, laugh myself, well. After the 4th parallel, I would write out my poetry/hip-hop verses,( because of the 4th Parallel, I wrote everything in my head). This was a way to focus my thoughts and expand the way I viewed the world, and after assuming an alias, it became my primary writing voice, Laz Kane.
Next, was my beloved G'tar, which I held above all others. Through this medium, I felt most alive and in this, it reflected most closely, what my soul could be, at it's best. I don't really consider myself, a singer, but playing and singing, really, was a super high, only surpassed, by my beautiful Maori girl, who, honestly, I would not still be around. This is so much more important now, as B.A.D has claimed the use of my hands and I can no longer play, my G'tar, but it doesn't phase me these days. I'm not the same guy, I was, in fact, I feel brand new.

Turning of the Tide.

It's been a very tumultuos ride over the last couple of weeks and in retrospect has offered many opportunities for my family and i to test our metal. We've learned how precious time is, and that priorities need to be identified and a plan of attack engaged immediately, if regret is to be avoided. Other than that, feeling the family unite has been a very special experience, on Friday evening, members of our family traveled(some a great distance) to be together, recount our memories of Grandma and discuss plan of returning to Tonga in a years time for the unveiling of her headstone. Another thing, that was unexpected but very touching, was my dad suggesting that we go to Tonga anyway, just to say our goodbye in person and go back next year as a way to bond with our other family members.
Our recent experiences have also taught us valuable lessons about adapting to the environment, trying not to be too rigid when dealing with plans, our kids and especially with other people. We've adapted plans that were intended to catapult us to Tonga, into a longer range one to incorporate other family members to fund a mass pilgrimage. Other plans are staying the course, but their end has changed to meet different needs.
I find this probably as good a time as any to, wind down this phase of these posts, regarding Tonga and our quest to get there. We have resolved ourselves to the fact that we as many of our family were not destined to send her off but understand that our efforts were thwarted by time and not our lack of love or trying, so i feel
at ease, to that end.
The upcoming posts, will be more on my physical condition and how i will be doing my best to restore my health. I feel that the tide has turned and that many things i had assumed constant and unchanging are in for a fright. 
Laz

Bye Grandma

Around 5am (Tongan time) My Grandma passed away. Our thoughts & prayers go out to all who are in Tonga with her & those members of our family abroad who cannot be there in this time of mourning. We love you & will miss you Grandma.

One Step Closer

Our plans are slowly but steadily moving towards being realised, we've been doing as much as we can to organise all our gear together for the first of our 2 fundraisers. It's been quite an unexpected emotional experience, not because of any attachment to our stuff but as my wife & I talk while we're doing things, we both have been bringing up, how great it is to be back home, our kids who are in outright bliss since getting back to their friends & playcentre & the overall show of support for us since being back.
We had both honestly thought, we were going to get back & get on with it, we are, but because there is so much to be done, just while we wait for the passports to be processed, let alone, the actual trip itself, we both decided to take a deep breath, realign the chakras & make the choice that this is going to be a wonderful & fun experience, partly so we can stay aware of what is going on around us & hopefully cover eachother, when one might miss something, but more importantly the implications for our kids. However the next few months turns out, great, terrible or by the skin of our gritted teeth, the kids, hit the jackpot, what exactly they win, is still undetermined but my bet is on something extraordinary.
So, our next step is the garage sale on saturday, & then we are driving out to the beach near our marae. It's a great place for inspiration & a way, we hope to invite more wonderful times into our lives.
Laz

Learning How To Control Your Universe.

Read any definition of control, & you'll find terms like Power or authority to check or restrain; & restraining or regulating influence, to explain the concept of control. 

For me, Control is a very strange concept because depending on the context & one's perspective of what it means to have it, it can change quite a great deal. 

Basically, as I see it, the larger the context, the less control you wield but the paradox I seem to notice in life, is that even in environments that you think you have taken out all the variables, something unexpected can happen.

Have you ever been taken so off-guard by something because your life always takes precedence over everything else? Then found that your response to it,  surprises you more?
Last Monday, a 3min phone call did that to me, and showed me that my perceived loss of control created the opportunity for me to relinquish my notions of control & consider the gravity of someone else's  situation before my own. That 3min phone call was the news that my 93 yr old maternal grandmother is gravely ill & that my mother & other members of my family were flying out on the next available flights. Our decision was quick & decisive, We're Going!
What has happened since, has been humbling but has also reinvigorated me & speaks to the philosophy at the heart of this blog. We are packing our essentials, we have given notice to the landlord, selling everything else & donating whatever we can't sell. We have seen this as an opportunity to fund our travel but more importantly a way to purge our possessions & on our return,  rebuild our lives, the way we want it,  from the ground up.
This action may sound rash, silly & even foolish but the context is very clear, money & time are the only challenges  hindering us from us being with our grandmother & our kids great grandmother, i can't do anything about time but i do have the ability to do something about the other. To accomplish this challenge, I have many personal motivations, but the predominant one comes from the pain of regret I feel,  regarding my beloved Paternal Grandparents,  Maternal Grandfather & my Uncle Fau'ese, where I hadn't been present to send off those, who were so very dear to me, who loved me more than I probably deserve & I find myself, sickened & ashamed, to have not honored & celebrated their lives, one last time.
I have promised myself that my trivial excuses, such as money, my own self-preoccupation, & procrastination will never define me again. 
So, In response to this resolution, I have been soul-searching, in order to understand the reasoning behind my actions. Besides, the obvious selfishness, it is still mostly a mystery to me but what I can gather is that in my time on the planet thus far, I've learnt that in my life, like in my marriage, I don't know much of anything and that in the scheme of things, I don't really get a say in much that really goes on & that things will happen, regardless of whether or not I understand why or how they happen.
What I have been able to click to, is that life gives you the opportunity to master the appropriate parts of your universe, not by controlling it but by embracing the role you have in it, by being aware that the excitement of life comes from participating without agenda & the feeling of living your life fully comes from a departure from being the center of your universe & happily experiencing it unfold, despite the fact, it's not on your terms. Laz

Quick Update

Once again apologies are in order, since I wrote last, my world has been in warp speed & I have not had web access. So I'm giving a preview of a more comprehensive update which will i will write later.
Firstly, Mum is doing great after surgery, she will be back at work in a couple of weeks & we will be heading home.  In another turn of events my maternal Grandmother is gravely ill & family has been flying back to Tonga to be with her, & thats what my family & I are intending,  we are packing up the house & hoping to be there first week of October.
Now, there are a few other things but these are most important.
Be back soon. Laz

The Law of Quality Control

Firstly, Apologies for the lack of posts this week,  It hasn't been out of laziness or forgetfulness but from identifying priorities.  I have travelled to be with my family who have been taking care of my mum-in-law following surgery.  It has been two weeks since we've been together so it is a welcome and much anticipated reunion.
Now, in such situations, mortality tends to crystallise the priorities in one's life and in my case reinforces my resolve to pursue what i hold most important.  Since reuniting, my awesome wife and I have been talking at length about what exactly it is we will be pursuing for the remainder of this year.  And we've decided on on the face of it, may seem quite radical but to us, seems to be the natural progression.
The rest of the year will lay out approximately like this, we will help our mum recuperate for the next few weeks then return home, where we will proceed to take inventory of all our possesions and put some of them up for auction online and the rest will be donated to anyone who might find them useful.We've given ourselves 6-8 weeks to do this and tie up all loose ends.
Once we've done this, off we go to visit our parents, so our kids can see them before we hit the road for about 4-6 weeks to visit with many relatives my wife & I haven't seen for many years or maybe just briefly because of a death.  We believe that telling the ones you love that you love them, is of utmost importance & deserves priority since we also have plans for travel overseas & would not want to leave these sentiments unsaid.This is also a great opportunity to present our children(our greatest accomplishment) to these most cherished people.
So, I guess we're at about the first week of December, we will be heading back to our parents to share the Christmas vibe for 7-10 days before going to where my wife comes from.  This is a tradition we have been trying to establish, where we head back to our family Marae(Meeting House/Family Homestead) for Christmas and New Years.  The Marae is situated near the coast and we will be living off the land & sea for about 4- 6 weeks.
O.K. this is rough outline of how the remainder of the year will happen. I get more excited, just typing this out because it is something that has been brewing for many months & now is just about within grasp.  Now, the law of quality control has been helping us out so much and keeping us motivated. We've seen Quality Control as focusing on incremental daily improvements to our lifestyle, routine, relationship etc. This has given us freedom to dream big but stay pragmatic & not overestimate what we can achieve daily but concentrate on making small but key adjustments to improve our daily life and then over time, the improvements spike & we have a great leap in progress.

So, as this applies to this blog, I have decided to post twice a week, so my posts can be of greater quality & probably more important, allow things to happen. I will try Mondays & Thursdays to begin with, and adjust accordingly.  Until next time,Laz

Looking To The Future.

Well, here I am at the end of my first week blogging, so what do I think so far? I think that the more I write, the more I need to focus my thoughts. When I was thinking of starting this blog, I was imagining chronicles of my intrepid journeys, the proverbial David & Goliath storyline, where my family & I fight through the laughter and tears and almost insurmountable odds to fufil the dream.
Yet what seems to be crystallising is that this can only be half the story. If I am to tell this story, I feel, how the journey affects us is much more important than the story of obtaining money to obtain objects, or to pay for new experiences in foreign places, or even reaching self-sustainability where we don't tax the worlds resources.
My story lies in the pursuit of happiness, in ideas and principles that for me supercede conforming to the norm, it demands forging ahead and beyond what we feel are our limits are to become our "superselves" so others can and will attain it as well. History has shown us that never before has there been so much opportunity for those of us in the masses, to be exceptional, and I mean that in every sense of the word, ecologically, academically, morally, financially and more.
I am not the smartest man but what I do know is that there are many distractions around that take our eye off what we want most, for what we want now and I need this blog to chronicle my journey, to share my aspirations and honestly detail my experience, so myself and others can grow. And in that idea is the point of this blog, it is to dedicate it to the help, in any way, shape or form to help others, as an old Maori proverb states so eloquently, "What is the most important thing? I say, It is people, It is people, It is people".
In my next post, I'm going to share some of our goals for the rest of the year, I hope to see you soon. Laz

Somewhere To Lay My Head

My beautiful wife & I have been researching many different types of housing for our future dream home. Our criteria revolves around Eco-friendly, sustainable and cost effective housing and this has given us a range of different designs that I think suits our quirky sense of style. From our sessions of brainstorming, we've incorporated a few different styles including recycling shipping containers, a traditional japanese style house, a converted double garage and the exciting new discovery of my wife (wonderful girl isn't she!!!), Yurts, which are based on the Mongolian Gurs, which is basically a circular tent reinforced with a wooden lattice frame. Now, this has a great design, which you can have a stove inside and has a history of standing up to the most horrendous weather and then you can pack it up and move on, not that I'm thinking of that but it's nice to have the option, especially when the kids get older.
OK, so why so many designs? Our design is based on pods, instead of having one main house with everything in it, we wanted to have purpose built structures connected by boardwalks. One of the main reasons we chose this way, is that it gives us a chance to start basic and let it grow. Now, at this point, i'd like to point out that we don't have anywhere to build yet, so we are saving and stockpiling resources but most importantly, educating up on everything we will need to design, build, power and sustain this lifestyle. So I guess there's quite a bit to do but I do think that's where the fun begins, because necessity is the mother of all invention and I'm really interested myself, on how we are going to make this happen.
Here's a basic overview of what structures we are looking at and there functions. Firstly, a double garage, which will be our main indoor living area and the place visitors will first enter. Instead of a concrete floor, I'd like a wooden floor so we can insulate from below and replacing the garage door with bi-fold doors, so you can open it right up to nature. There will be a ranch slider at the rear to be able to get to the other structures. At first, our family will be living in here until the other structures go up.
Our bedrooms will be the Yurts, the kitchen & dining room & storage will be a combination of 10ft, 20ft & 40ft shipping containers. The Bathroom, which will include washroom, shower & bath will possibly be adobe mud brick, as we still researching what will suit us best for a wet area. Our toilets will be a boys & girls dual structure, boys side will have a urinal and toilet and girls will have two toilets. These toilets will be housed in either adobe mud brick or recycled wood, all toilets will be compost toilets (great for compost for our organic garden).

We have also decided to have a traditional style japanese, one level house to serve as a sanctuary, for yoga, meditation etc, a workshop/ studio, which will be either another double garage or a barn style structure so we can have a mezzanine floor. Now what dream house would be complete without a sauna and last but not least, a rotunda, which is a great place to chill out or even double as an extra room, with some netting in the summer.

I know it sounds like a lot but we've got a lifetime to make it happen but I honestly believe that we'll be breaking ground by my 40th birthday, which is in 3 & half years. I hope to have a draft of the layout soon and look forward to any ideas or advice. Be back soon, Laz

Waterfalls

I went for a walk after dinner tonight, nothing unusual in that, besides the fact that I went a new route, just for something different. So I'm walking for a while and notice that I've never been this way before but even stranger, I start thinking about this paper that used to be delivered in my town when I was a kid, that was written for kids, The Grapevine.
Now I used to love this paper and looked forward to it every month. These articles were quirky, funny and really eye opening but the thing I looked forward to most were these one line pearls of wisdom that lined the bottom of every page and now in retrospect, these probably had a big influence during my adolescence.
I used to read them all first before going through the rest of the paper and just reliving it again was making me grin, bigger and then uncontrollably, so much so, I just about fell over. After getting myself together, I noticed I was near this park that has a waterfall, with a 15 or 20m drop, so I head down there and I am just standing on the viewing platform, mesmerized by this waterfall and I'm feeling this weird mixture of vertigo (cos i feel like can't stand properly), fear, cos I feel it drawing me in, (and for some reason, I want to jump), and at the same time really zen (for the lack of a better term).
So, on the way home, a lot of things were bouncing through my mind and I'm trying to just understand what had just happened when suddenly a new feeling came over me, something I hadn't felt since my daughter was about one & a half, I wanted to write poetry (spoken word) again. As i kept walking, ideas and concepts start appearing then evolving, now it's words into lines and then to a verse, and then all too soon, I was walking into my driveway, then I'm in the house writing a draft, and now I'm here writing this post, basically to help me process it all.
OK, what's that all got to do with "The Grapevine", well, that little paper helped me a lot, so, if my poems and stand-up routines are constructed properly, I can pass that help along and it gets me closer to realizing my dreams. Laz

OMG!! What Am I Doing Again?

I was reading my first post this morning and it dawned on me the enormity of what i had written. Although I've been living this for months and have written plans & strategies to reach my goals, when those thoughts entered the public forum, the realization struck like lightning. It was partly fear but more so, acknowledging my physical limitations & that eventually I will lose all control of both my hands & arms. It made me pause momentarily but then a familiar feeling came over me like a wave, the feeling that i wasn't alone & then I was very calm.
Over the years, I've come to realise many things, two of them are, that the war against fear is fought internally and in my own experience is overcome when you can be cool with who you are (i know!!..cheesy zen) because hanging with yourself can be downright impossible when you don't like yourself, let alone know yourself.
Which leads to the second thing, living life is so much better when you have people who love & support you, regardless that they may be related to you and even better that they like you for the type of human you choose to be.
Now, I don't want to come off like some Zen Jedi Master, spouting fortune cookie wisdom but many things in life are very simple but hard to achieve because of whatever conspiracy theories we seem to conjure when we would rather "be right" instead of "act right".
Life is definitely a work in progress, but living it like the craziest & most outlandish feats can be achieved that day because you dreamed it, is so profoundly topped off when you can share it, laughing with that look on your faces, that life is stranger and more exhilarating then skydiving with a platypus. Be Back soon, Laz

Have to Start Somewhere

As the title suggests, if you are going to make up your mind about doing or achieving anything, you have to start somewhere, and a lot of the time, it's not at the beginning but rather anywhere you can. I guess that applies to me. Life favors the brave & all to many times my lack of courage has left me sacrificing what i have wanted most, for reasons or motives in retrospect are at best, trivial, and at worst, plainly irrelevant.
So here i am, mustering what courage and strength i can rally, to make all the things i have wanted most to do or experience happen. What's more, I'm going to do it without getting a job, I'll be earning money by anything i can make with my hands, use of my voice, and my imagination.(more about what that exactly means later)
I know this could sound like some crazy reality show type of challenge but i really believe that, what i want most in life isn't so much about the admission price to obtain or experience it but more about earning it with work that you love doing.
The other major reason is time, time to have my family around me, so we can experience it together. I guess that my children being able to see their parents strive to be happy by making it a priority in life, is one of the greatest gifts i can give them and you just can't do that when you have a job.
So that's where i have started, basically I've got this checklist and I'm going to keep on ticking them off until I can't. I hope you drop in, leave a comment or just have a giggle at the craziness, I'm bound to get my family into. Until Then. Laz