Learning How To Control Your Universe.

Read any definition of control, & you'll find terms like Power or authority to check or restrain; & restraining or regulating influence, to explain the concept of control. 

For me, Control is a very strange concept because depending on the context & one's perspective of what it means to have it, it can change quite a great deal. 

Basically, as I see it, the larger the context, the less control you wield but the paradox I seem to notice in life, is that even in environments that you think you have taken out all the variables, something unexpected can happen.

Have you ever been taken so off-guard by something because your life always takes precedence over everything else? Then found that your response to it,  surprises you more?
Last Monday, a 3min phone call did that to me, and showed me that my perceived loss of control created the opportunity for me to relinquish my notions of control & consider the gravity of someone else's  situation before my own. That 3min phone call was the news that my 93 yr old maternal grandmother is gravely ill & that my mother & other members of my family were flying out on the next available flights. Our decision was quick & decisive, We're Going!
What has happened since, has been humbling but has also reinvigorated me & speaks to the philosophy at the heart of this blog. We are packing our essentials, we have given notice to the landlord, selling everything else & donating whatever we can't sell. We have seen this as an opportunity to fund our travel but more importantly a way to purge our possessions & on our return,  rebuild our lives, the way we want it,  from the ground up.
This action may sound rash, silly & even foolish but the context is very clear, money & time are the only challenges  hindering us from us being with our grandmother & our kids great grandmother, i can't do anything about time but i do have the ability to do something about the other. To accomplish this challenge, I have many personal motivations, but the predominant one comes from the pain of regret I feel,  regarding my beloved Paternal Grandparents,  Maternal Grandfather & my Uncle Fau'ese, where I hadn't been present to send off those, who were so very dear to me, who loved me more than I probably deserve & I find myself, sickened & ashamed, to have not honored & celebrated their lives, one last time.
I have promised myself that my trivial excuses, such as money, my own self-preoccupation, & procrastination will never define me again. 
So, In response to this resolution, I have been soul-searching, in order to understand the reasoning behind my actions. Besides, the obvious selfishness, it is still mostly a mystery to me but what I can gather is that in my time on the planet thus far, I've learnt that in my life, like in my marriage, I don't know much of anything and that in the scheme of things, I don't really get a say in much that really goes on & that things will happen, regardless of whether or not I understand why or how they happen.
What I have been able to click to, is that life gives you the opportunity to master the appropriate parts of your universe, not by controlling it but by embracing the role you have in it, by being aware that the excitement of life comes from participating without agenda & the feeling of living your life fully comes from a departure from being the center of your universe & happily experiencing it unfold, despite the fact, it's not on your terms. Laz